Coffee with Rosemary: ☕️

If you ask me what one of the most important things in life is, I will tell you that at the top of the list is keeping in touch with the “good” people throughout our lives. I’m one who truly believes that every single person we come into contact with, from our 5th grade teacher, to an ex love, to the cashier at the grocery store, has been introduced to us for some reason or another. I like to think it’s for learning experiences, but whatever the reason, we connect with every individual differently. If you’re lucky, like me, you meet people along the way that stand out on a different level among all others. These people aren’t common and sometimes they’re not meant to stay, however, permanent or temporary, they refresh our souls, they lift our spirits, they make us think in different ways and feel such powerful energy — much deeper than what’s felt on the surface daily. These are the people you need to keep in your life at all costs – whether it’s a phone call every few months, a lunch once a year, grabbing coffee, a letter to let them know their being thought of – these actions are crucial. Which brings me to Monday’s coffee date with Rosemary, formally known to me as Ms. Goodwin, my 5th grade teacher. We mutually decided now that I’m 28 (she taught me when I was 11) that it’s OK to use her first name. (Going to take some getting used to)

Rosemary is one of the “good” people. The type of person so genuinely good that she’s almost naïve to the daily downers in this world that so easily steal our joy. I get together with her maybe once a year. It’s refreshing for the both of us. We meet for coffee and talk for hours… but what we talk about is the real key to what I want to get across through this blog post. I feel as though Rosemary and I talk about this life, spirituality and faith on a level that only few actually understand. We engage so deeply in the power of the human spirit that I actually used to be self-conscience that people would hear us at a nearby table and seriously think we were nuts. I don’t feel that way anymore. In fact, I feel privileged to feel emotion so deeply. I actually kind of feel sad for those who don’t quite understand how much potential the human spirit truly has. I look at each one of us as having this tiny flame inside our belly and unfortunately some people live their life never knowing the excitement this world really has to offer. On our normal, day-to-day routine, that flame burns low and slow – lit, but just enough to keep us fueled for that day. Here’s the way I imagine it visually: sometimes, something happens like hearing good news, a girls night out, your team wins the Superbowl or that cute guy in your college English class starts a conversation with you. Things like that cause a “breeze” and if only for a moment, our flame brightens.

This is something I’ve imagined and felt for as long as I can remember, but especially now after my second chance at life: the need to fuel that fire – and the “good” people that I’m talking about in our lives help us to do just that. Surround yourself with them 💛

I want to tell you a little bit about my conversation with Rosemary because we have a very similar outlook on this flame image, which is the real topic of this specific blog. The ways to fuel the fire inside ourselves are endless. As human beings, regardless of religious belief, I wholeheartedly believe we are all spiritual creatures with the need to feel alive — there is nothing ordinary about being a spiritual being. So, why live an ordinary life? We are extraordinary beings. Rosemary and I talked about the way so many people live with such little passion, so accepting of the “ordinary” and mundane.

I have a statement I started using after I received my gift of new lungs: my gift of a new life. I say “when it does come my time to leave this earth and I stand before God in the kingdom of heaven, I want to stand before him with NOTHING AT ALL LEFT INSIDE ME WHATSOEVER. I mean that. I want to have used every single ounce of love, passion, excitement, kindness, service, everything. I want to have used it all down to the very last drop – everything I’ve been given — my purpose, my service, TAKE IT ALL here on this earth. Only then will I be ready to leave.”

I wish that way of life upon all people.

I truly believe we have this fire inside all of us waiting and wanting to be set ablaze.

– and it should be, in some way, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I know this because I’ve felt it. I’ve found ways throughout my entire life to keep this fire burning. There are things, people, places, that strike us all differently but that have the power to strengthen our fire.

These are the things I talk about with Rosemary. This is why we make it a priority to keep in touch. And here’s why it’s so important…

I know I talk about it a lot, but I said earlier, some people in this world cross our paths to teach us things. I don’t believe I went through all that I have been through to keep it quiet. When I was told (four years ago) that I had only weeks left to live, I was surprised at my initial thoughts. Instead of thinking of the time that I had left, I started thinking of the time that I had already spent. Instead of wishing I had done more, experienced more, loved more — I was proud. I had spent so much time leading up to the end of my life that I worked to create a life of fullness and service that I was proud of. This included keeping in touch with all the people throughout my life that had changed me, taught me, influenced me in any way. I will admit, it was always a little different in my situation because I grew up with this “life expectancy” from having a chronic illness that lingered in the back of my mind, so from a young age I was always looking for ways to experience all this life had to offer and make the most of what I’d been given. A lot of times this way of living would get me in trouble — but I don’t regret a thing. Every once in a while, during high school, I would pack my little Jeep full of friends in the morning and drive right passed O’Hara when everyone else was rushing through the halls to their homerooms, trying to avoid demerits for not being in your seat exactly when the bell rang. Meanwhile, Carrie Underwood’s CD played on repeat and we’d sing the whole way down to Ocean City on a Tuesday morning during February. We would reach the beach, stand on the rocks at the ocean and laugh together as the waves crashed. Every time we did this, I’d close my eyes just for a second. I’d let the cool, heavy wind blow through the strands of my hair, standing still in my uniform and think, “this is it.” “THIS is life, and I’ll never feel bad for myself because I suffer, because in this moment, I’m alive.” When I say alive, I don’t mean I was living and breathing — the truth is even at this age I was barely breathing. When I say alive, I mean I had this undeniable, uncontainable energy flowing through me powerful enough to think I’d been standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I never regretted these choices — passion vs. normalcy– not even when my mom text me “I’m in O’Hara’s parking lot and your car isn’t here. You have 60 minutes to get back before I call the school and you’re not going out for a month.”

Once, in college, I was walking through the courtyard on my way to a playwriting class that started in 10 minutes. It was the review class for the final exam that was two days later. I’ll never forget this day. It was springtime and the weather was just one of those days where the sun warms your face and its like an angel smiling down. The kind of breezy day where things are starting to bloom and you have to take a second to stop and be thankful for exactly where you are. Well, I did stop, and I looked down at my phone. I had a message from a friend who had a motorcycle, “Today is too beautiful not to go for a ride. You busy?”

-“Nope. Pick me up in the courtyard.”

Now, don’t go abandoning all of your responsibilities. That’s not what I’m saying. I went home later that night and studied my ass off for that playwriting exam. I got a 100. But, I assure you, I couldn’t tell you one question or answer on that test today. I can however explain exactly how the wind felt on my face through that helmet, the racing of my heart in my chest, every street we went down and the sight of that beautiful golden sun beaming through the trees when I’d look up into the sky.

I encourage you with everything I have inside of me to do things like this. Because when I was sitting in that University of Penn office, these were the moments I was thinking of. The moments in February on the beach, when I should have been freezing, but I was nice and warm – not because of the shots of whiskey we were probably taking, but because the fire in my soul was raging with excitement for this incredible life.

Now, years later, I dedicate my service to hospice care, I often wonder if our patients think more about the life they’ve had, more so then the life they have left. The truth is, at one point, regardless if your 24 with Cystic Fibrosis, 100 with heart failure, 88 with Alzheimer’s, or 40 with liver disease, there is going to come a time where you too will be at the end of your life. I want those of you that I’m able to reach through writing to take advantage of this information and make it a priority to be constantly fueling your fire. If I hadn’t lived my life feeding this fire by young summer nights, giving and receiving love, serving others and following my heart, singing out loud and recognizing all I’ve truly been given, I would have had nothing to look back on. It also turns out, during that time I thought was the end, I had an awful lot of people…”good” people there for me, praying for me, keeping me in the best possible places to be — in their hearts, their minds and their prayers.

Before I close, one of my strongest passions happens to be with the elderly. I don’t know why. Some people have the passion for working with babies, animals, children, abuse victims, etc. I’m also aware that although extraordinary in a positive way, this life can and is often times EXTRAORDINARILY HARD, too. Not everyone has the privilege to work in the field where their heart lies, but that’s no excuse to let your light burn out. Make it a priority to set time aside for what really makes you feel alive.. even if it happens to be something simple, like making a call to an old friend to keep the “good” people in your life. And if you take anything at all from what I’ve written today, remember to feed your fire, so that when your time comes, and you think back on the life you’ve lived, the love you’ve provided and the compassion you’ve given, you’re proud. Leave nothing left. Use every since ounce of your energy, kindness, passion, service, heart, soul, all your love, all your light. You’ll be amazed at what you’re filled with in return.