Hey friends,
I’ve been working on this blog for a few days now but just haven’t quite been able to find the right words or where to start. It’s unlike me to have a case of writers block, but that seems to be the case with this particular blog and I think I know why. Lately, I’ve been doing a really good job at making things seem close to perfect. I’ve been posting a lot, keeping myself busy with my Senegence business, getting outside in the fresh air and truly having some real control over my anxiety, which is something I haven’t been able to say for quite some time. I just recently started working with some new brands and companies that have been paying me to promote new and exciting products on Instagram, and all around just keeping myself busy and distracted from a darker reality. I guess in all honestly, these Instagram and Facebook highlights have been an escape for me. I think the reason I’ve been having a more difficult time with this blog in particular is because I wanted to believe things were nearly as perfect as they seem, instead of admitting that’s not the total truth. Don’t get me wrong, these recent daily activities like Makeup Monday LIVES and product reviews have been a ton of fun for me, sharing blogs and my progress with clarity and well-being with friends and family has been 100% honest, but I haven’t been telling the whole story… the story of what’s behind the curtain of pretty posts and smiles. So, it’s been a little harder to admit to you all, and myself, that things haven’t been as simple as they may seem. I mentioned in a live video that I did the other day that I always strive to be REAL and honest with my friends, family and followers, so that’s what I intend to do through this blog post. If I only fed you the highlights and the positives, I wouldn’t be telling the whole story. So, I want to share 100% of what’s going on — not just the highlights.
So here it is. If you’ve kept up with my past blogs, follow me on any platform or know me personally, you know that I’ve been given a second chance at life. After being told years ago that I had a very limited time left to live, I underwent a double lung transplant after a lifetime of suffering with Cystic Fibrosis. Along with that life saving surgery comes a lot of post transplant issues. One of them being the prolonged use of medicines that keep my lungs healthy, but have nasty side effects for the rest of my body. To date, because of one certain anti-rejection medicine, I’ve had over 75 skin-cancer surgeries. It’s something I go in for about every 6-8 weeks. We do anywhere from 3-7 positive cancerous spots each time, starting with biopsies and ending with scrapes, digging and stitches. These appointments usually last anywhere from 7am-4/5pm, depending on how many spots we remove that day.
My latest battle has been one of the toughest though, and it’s because of a few reasons. One being it’s terribly painful. Two being that’s it’s discouraging in the sense that there is no cure.
I’ve been recently diagnosed with a condition called bone necrosis, which translates into the death of bone. Its a common result of being on a medicine called prednisone, a steroid which I’ve been on daily for over ten years. This medicine causes weakness in the bones until eventually necrosis sets in, which there is no stopping. This necrosis is spreading all throughout my body, but specifically in my joints is where it’s most painful.
In the beginning of this year, I started complaining of severe bone pain in my right knee. I hadnt fallen or hit it in any way that I could remember so I went a little while without addressing it, thinking it would heal on its own, but it only started to get worse. Eventually, when I could barely walk, I saw a Penn orthopedic doctor who took an MRI. The results came back that my knee bone has essentially died. This doctor felt as though a knee replacement was my only option.
Just as I did with my transplant back in 2014, I just felt more comfortable before taking action by getting a second opinion, but soon after seeing the first doctor, the coronavirus hit and I was quarantined. It was actually a small relief, because as a result of having to stay inside, I was out of work and for the most part off of my knee. I was getting through the days with pain management and a knee brace which worked for a bit of time, until it didn’t.
A few days ago, the pain and the condition of my knee became unbearable and so I was seen by a new Penn orthopedic doctor for a second opinion. The news was better than I expected it to be, which I’m grateful for, but still not ideal. This doctor said that he believes there’s something we can do to buy me a few years before the knee needs to be completely replaced. This doctor believes he can do an arthroscopic surgery, drill some holes in the knee, create better blood flow and in-turn promote new bone growth. He said the success rate is about 75% and that he’s confident I’ll immediately be in less pain. So, that’s where we’re at right now. Unfortunately though, this is only my first of many experiences I’ll have trying to control the pain and condition of necrosis. As it spreads through my body, the doctor could already see the bone in my left knee beginning to die too. Luckily I have no pain there yet, so we’ll cross that bridge when the time comes.
I’ve been given a surgery date for this June, and until then I’m required to use crutches for the simplest of distances —- as short as traveling from the living room to the kitchen. I’m sharing all of this because I want all to know that as good as things seem to be, nothing is as perfect as it appears. I strive really hard to be real, authentic and genuine, and because of that I want to share not only all of my highs, but my lows too.
Right now, I’m doing a pretty good job at staying positive. I’ve had a controlled handle on my anxiety and panic and although this has been a difficult reality for me to face, I’m reminded by friends and family of how far I’ve come and how far I’m strong enough to continue to go. I’ve come a long way since the beginning of this year, when I was at an all time low and dealing with an extraordinary amount of change and life lessons. In all honesty, this news has been discouraging and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t brought me a few steps backward, but I’m actively working toward remembering there are some things I just don’t have control over. Those things however, I believe God has control of, and my faith in Him has yet to fail me.
I’m going to continue to do the things lately that have been bringing me joy, because those are the things I can control. Spending time with my family, connecting daily with close friends, promoting new products from brands that have allowed me to work from home, keeping up with my Senegence makeup and skincare line. I’ve even fallen in love with learning embroidery and have been spending every chance I can get outside in the fresh air and sunshine, gaining clarity and well-being. A sweet friend of mine has even reached out and helped me to join a new mediation program which I know will help me gain strength through practicing patience and mindfulness.
All I ask right now is that if only for a moment, you could send some prayer, positivity and encouraging energy my way. I don’t usually like to ask others for prayers for myself, but I’ve felt the power of true prayer and positively before, and I truly believe it works more powerfully than any medicine known to man.
As I go through this most recent journey, I feel proud of how far I’ve come, and the strength I know I have inside to overcome this too. I’m so beyond words grateful for the love and support I’ve already been shown through sharing all of what’s been going on, and I’ll continue to keep sharing not only the highlights of life, but the raw realness that I deal with too.
So as always, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading what I have to share. I’ll be keeping you all updated with my progress through this journey and all that’s to come. The support and love I’ve been shown just this far has reminded me that my blessings far outweigh the trails I’ve gone through.
I’m forever grateful and will only continue to keep fighting for this incredibly beautiful life.
Love and Light, Sam 💟
My Second Life 