Daily Act of Excitement

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Hey! It’s been a while! Thanks for taking the time to read what I have to share- let me know what ya think 🙂

Living with a terminal illness everyday of your life is something a majority of people will fortunately never understand. You would think that most healthy, able individuals would be the ones living their lives to the fullest. Admittedly, I used to be so envious of “normal” people. I used to think, before receiving my double lung transplant and cancer diagnosis, that I drew life’s short straw. Common, everyday people seemed to be able to do all these things that I wanted so badly: to be able to attend school without frequent hospital admissions, hiding IV’s under long sleeves in summer, missing weeks of learning material, falling behind and an inability to socialize with friends. I used to hide absolutely every detail of my health as much as I possibly could out of fear of not being accepted or being thought of differently.

“Normal” people could do all the ordinary things that I for so long wished I could be capable of. The thought of being able to hold down a job without having to take a leave of medical absence for hospitalizations, surgeries, 24/hr nebulizers, constant doctors appointments- sometimes 3/4 a week!

I could only imagine what a real relationship felt like without constantly feeling guilty knowing that because of my health, I would only serve as a burden, not of a blessing. These are just to name a few. Growing up, I just wanted to be like everyone else. I prayed for predictable.

I realize now that what I considered a lifelong death sentence is actually my greatest blessing. I feel like maybe I’ve had an upper hand on enjoying life all along. People who suffer from chronic illness, terminal illness, incurable illness, like me, have a different view on life. A serious case of “do not put off til tomorrow what you can get done today.”

I know this gift is a direct result of the suffering I’ve fought throughout my entire life, but knowing that every next hospital stay always holds the potential to be my very last, I cram as much life into my days as humanly possible. Had I been born healthy, lived a life that hadn’t consisted of watching others with my same condition pass away all around me, I might be ok with living a routine life. But I’m not. I don’t pray for ordinary anymore. I pray for extraordinary. So many people with a terminal diagnosis don’t have the luxury of being able to say with confidence, “Oh, I’m still young, I’ve got plenty of time.” Wont ever be able to say without a hear full of doubt, “I’ll have a family of my own someday.”

All I’ve ever known was to despise time because getting older only meant getting sicker. But the blessing is just that.

You know how they say “you always want what you can’t have?” Ironically, I feel like I’ve done the most living because I’ve been told all my life that I’m dying. It’s a hard realization, but I think back on all of the absolutely extraordinary adventures and memories I’ve had in this life and I am so beyond proud. In comparison to the normalcy I’d always thought I wanted, I wound up living and crafting a life that is the complete opposite- a wondrous exciting life full to the brim. I search for purpose in every single day. I ask to be used for good every single day. I fight so hard to get all that I can out of this life- so that when it does come my time, I can look back on a life full of the big love, belly laughs and memories that will last a lifetime.

Despite my journey of too-soon life expectancies, filling out advanced directives and choosing cemetery plots, I consider myself to be one of the luckiest people I know. Blessed beyond belief, to be able to take my circumstances and instead of being mad at the world, be so wholeheartedly thankful for each and every moment that I’m alive instead.

I say this alllll the time, but I can’t help myself not to repeat it. When my time comes, I want to have used every last drop of all that I’ve been given: every single bit of love and light in this soul, my passion, my excitement, my unshakable faith, earned wisdom, loyal friendship, immeasurable gratitude- I want to have given every part of me away to others until I have absolutely nothing left- and only then will I be ready.

So, now, at the end of everyday, before I start my bedtime prayers, I ask myself: what was the most exciting part of this day? If you’re reading this- ask yourself! If you can’t come up with anything that stands out, I’m going to list some simple suggestions! I recognize now that normalcy is a gift, like I always knew it was. Going to work, the gym, the grocery store- they’re all typical routines— but normalcy isn’t what I want to strive for anymore. Those aren’t the things that bring me joy. The things that light me up. Why want ordinary when you have the opportunity to be extraordinary?

It doesn’t have to be extravagant but I realize now that mundane is setting the bar too low. It can be something as simple as singing out-loud to your fav feel-good songs on your morning commute, or volunteering for something you’re passionate about. But something should be bringing you excitement each 👏🏼 and 👏🏼 every 👏🏼 day!

Struggling? Here’s some ideas:

Call and check in with someone you care about

Make near-future plans with friends

Prioritize quality time with family

Treat yourself – maybe a pedicure / fresh haircut

Get a massage

Eat a piece of your favorite candy

Walk in nature

Make a weekly gratitude list

Order takeout of your fav meal

Wear something colorful !

Give a compliment

PLAY with your dog

Cook a creative meal

Be a photographer – capture something beautiful

Enjoy a beach day – even if it’s winter!

Set aside time every day to pray!

Watch a sunrise/sunset

Drive with good music and no destination

Paint, even if it’s just strokes of color

Share an old memory with a friend

The list can go on forever.

Try some of these out! Comment and let me know what are some of the things you do to make the most out of your days. What daily act can you give to yourself like a gift? Something that brings you joy- a tickle in your stomach and smile on your face. I think that if you find your day comes to a close with satisfaction, excitement, passion and love, your life will be one in the same.

Sending out all my love,

Sam xx